Migraine update

Most people know that Alan has suffered from chronic migraines ever since college. They have gotten significantly worse this year, as if they could get any worse. After a long trip to Hong Kong to see specialists, Alan is on lots of medication that is healping his migraines tremendously. Unfortunately, the medicine causes him to be extremely lethargic. It has been a semester of growing in grace towards ourselves and towards each other. Having only one migraine in six weeks is so so much better than before, when he was averaging two a week and then he even had them everyday for a spell, but but we are learning more and more what we out our hope in. We want Our desire, the treasure of our hearts to be Jesus, but often we find ourselves thinking, if only this would get better, if only he wasn't so tired, if only I knew how much longer we would have to endure this, then we would be blessed, we would be ok...seeking what He can do for us more than seeking Him in the moment. Thankfully, I think I am slowly getting to a point, after becoming so weary , that I have finally realized I am weak, finite, in need of grace, wisdom, His yoke, and Him with me right now. No longer can I smile and say, we are fine because a lot of times we are not...life is hard when a spouse is sick all the time and we still have three young kids to discipline and train, but I am learning to live passionately...meaning being ok with experiencing incredible joys, deep sadness, and everything else in between. It is unchartered territories for me, I am used to having it all together, or at least appearing that way, but I just can't continue that anymore, it's not really me, mot where my heart really is, and is not what the father wants for me or anyone. He wants me to experience Him and come to Him just as I am.